Sunday "Family" Dinner

This past Sunday Mike and I went to Westport, CT to attend a Mass in Shane's memory.

The 5 pm Mass was held at The Church of the Assumption - the church that the O'Loughlin family attends. John O'Loughlin was a member of the Deerfield Academy band of brothers that Shane was a proud part of. John's parents Michael and Maureen were kind enough to host Mike and I for a very special afternoon and evening. Five more of the Deerfield crew would join us for this much needed time together to celebrate and remember their brother - Shane.

Mike and I arrived to their lovely home about 2 pm, a delicious lunch was provided to us and then we set off with John and the boys for a trip out on the boat. Once John got us to a spot he liked, he dropped anchor and soon all the boys were diving, jumping and flipping off the boat to cool off in the waters. I hesitated still on board being a bit of a chicken to jump off the boat- but soon Shane was in my ear encouraging me to fully enjoy this opportunity with them- so in I went. Listening to the banter of the boys and Mike reminded me of Shane. Their quick witty remarks, their random conversations, I was soaking in all I could. Our time there was short as it was now 4 pm and we had a 5pm Mass to get to and now we had 8 people that needed a quick shower.

Somehow we made it. The church was lovely- I always find the stained glass work to be captivating and the organ music soothing. We were quickly reminded as to why we were there when Shane's name was said and the Pastor welcomed us. My heart grew heavy and the tears instantly flowed- but yet I was comforted as well- a squeeze of my hand from John's mom and a pile of tissues passed down the pew from John's Dad reminded me I was not alone. To the right of me was Mike followed by three handsome young men with three more sitting in the pew behind us. I was honored by their presence. When I am around people that cared deeply for Shane- that were impacted by him, who's lives are better from having had Shane a part of it- I feel just a little at peace. On this evening I was surrounded by people that I know will never forget him. As I sat in the front of the church with this support group- I imagined that to all those around us we likely looked strong- and we are- we are bonded for life. those boys will always be there for each other and I believe that they will also be there for Mike, Colin and I. Once we got back to the house we were able to get a quick photo before everyone returned to shorts and t-shirts- man it was hot.

Robert Sawyers, Freddy Manning, Marwan Gedeon Achi, Crawford Rice

John O' Loughlin, Me, Mike, Merritt Wurts

Thank you to Maureen for taking this photo for me❤

Cocktails, snacks, frisbee, whiffle ball, spike ball and the giant swing took up the next hour. Some of my favorite moments from that day were watching Mike toss a McCarthy Brothers Bond frisbee with the guys- including John's younger brother Andrew.

The competitiveness between them all is fierce as is the roasting of one another! The other highlight has got to be seeing these boys on this giant swing, especially Crawford- who had come from work in the city so he was in khakis, a button down shirt and loafers as he swayed to and fro and when he played spike ball!

While dinner was cooking we also spent time sharing some Shane stories. I had brought the photo mat with me that was at the celebration of life. I asked each one of the boys to write their word or phrase that reminded them of Shane and to share what was behind it. Again Mike and I were reminded of what a stand up, reliable friend Shane was. And reminded that we were not the only ones missing him.

• the comforter

• the giggler

• swimmy swims

• infinte nuggies

• miss you forever

• ride or die

• dependable
  

When we gathered in the dining room to eat, there was much more conversation that took place summer jobs/internships that were taking up much of the boys time- some of them talking about over 100 hours per week. I sat in the middle of the table wanting to hear as much as I could- often feeling like I was at a tennis match with my head bouncing back between the sides of the table. Golf talk on one end of the table, while the other end was making plans to meet up on Friday night.

The conversations jumped from investment banking to favorite Gatorade flavors- followed by the best Pringles flavor and which color bag of Doritos was the best. Dang- I did not even know Doritos had a purple bag.

I shook my head and laughed thinking about what Shane's input might be- I think he'd have gone- sour cream and onion for the pringles, ice blue on the gatorade and cool ranch on the doritos. There was much talk about the Covid times and how the computer and gaming became their lifeline to one another- including good old Minecraft. A core part of the gaming world- Tripp Hindle was unable to attend this get together- but I think the millions of hours he spent online with Shane speaks for itself.

I hope that this group will gather again and that Tripp will be able to make that one!

As the time got later and later the boys began to strategize on what time trains would be departing and what time would they all make their way back to their apartments in various parts of New York City. Sadly our time together was coming to an end.

I hugged each one of them tightly- squeezing every ounce of Shane from them as I could. I had to keep reminding myself of good old Dr. Seuss- Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. So smile I did- because Mike and I were both very glad that this day had happened.

Before Mike and I headed upstairs to go to bed- I confirmed my plan with Maureen for our plan to watch the sunrise together from the beach.

Five AM came early! We were not sure what we were going to get- it was already humid and hazy- but Shane shared his signs with Maureen and I- that promise of a new day- that reminder to take the time to look up, to have patience, to just sometimes sit and be. Shane came through softly and subtly.

For nearly two hours I sat on the beach with Maureen- a woman I barely knew- but now felt like I had known forever. I had been given a gift- a bond with another mother- thanks to Shane.

The red ball of the sun had disappeared and instead from an opening in the sky came golden beams of light that bounced and danced off the water. I sat there thinking- thanks Shane, this was beautiful.

Mike and I headed home midmorning- after all it was Monday- the O'Loughlin's all had work to do.

We left with happy grateful hearts - our Sunday "Family" dinner had been one we will never forget.