Part Three: Celebrating An Amazing Young Man

Wednesday June 26, 2024

Colin had me up and out of bed at 5 am- I was not pleased with him until I happened to look out the window and saw a beautiful sunrise emerging. I quickly made my way out onto the patio and then down onto the beach to bask in it's beauty. With each rising sun the glory of a new day, a reminder that each day is a gift, Shane's gift - his sign of strength and that he was with me encouraging me to power through the days before me. Upon returning to the house I thanked Colin for getting me out of bed and I talked with him about the sunrise and how it was his brother dazzling us with a beautiful start to our day. Reminding Colin that Shane is always with us all.

The day was a busy one- rearranging where people were sleeping to make room for incoming family, a trip to the grocery store to get some snacks and drinks for all those arriving later in the day. I attempted to have some quiet time on the beach- but that was not meant to be-it was a painful day- the wind was strong- the sand hurt! Needless to say I did not last long down there just long enough to take in some of the oceans glory- and reflect a bit more on the many hours spent here in the past. I also had the pleasure of talking with Nick some more. Nick a long time member of the Rock Landing Beach community- but not someone I ever recall meeting directly before. He had such wonderful things to say about Jim - he said I was stirring up memories for him- which delighted me- as this was indeed a purpose of mine for the week- to look back and remember, to reflect on where it began and to try to look forward. We talked about Shane- whom he had never met- I invited him to the celebration of life, I told him to come and learn about him.

Nick's own family had suffered a tragic loss- he had lost a nephew who had left young girls behind. I encouraged him to come be surrounded by the people that loved Shane and loved us in hopes that it would help to give him strength to help his own family.

Late morning we were blessed by Emily, Goldey, Brooke and Tricia Dempsey. The girls wanted to do a trial run of the songs that they would be singing for Shane on Thursday. I welcomed the opportunity for a private concert and to get to see them again. A family that loved Shane deeply- you see it in their faces, and you certainly hear it in their voices. Lena picked a great time for a visit as she was privy to the living room concert as were Colin, Heather and Craig. These girls are truly magnificent. We were all in tears- I told them I would do my best to hold it together on Thursday but could not guarantee that I would be able to do so.

The afternoon brought many visitors to see us- Auntie Julie who had flown in earlier in the week from California. Friends that have homes among the area- Nora and Ellie as well as Amy and Susan. Others arrived from a little farther away-one of our nurses from home Christie arrived for her annual workcation- my sister Cindy, brother in law Jim, niece Chelsea with her husband Jay and my great nephew Liam. My Dad- Ben- and two of my cousins Deb and Chris. Also journeying from Western MA- my sister in law Lori with Allan and a friend of ours from Deerfield Academy James also arrived. The patio was full and bustling with conversation, laughter, snacks and beverages. Just as it should be- we were prepping for our celebration of Shane. The land side of Shane- those that came from Western MA were now in place. The house was full and so was my heart. Mike's brother Glenn joined the patio gathering and we also had the beautiful addition of Laura and Paige Dimeo. Two of the many beautiful young ladies that Shane was friends with and to no surprise Mike had a connection with their father- having worked at New Seabury golf course together.

As I put my head on the pillow Wednesday night I still found myself hoping that I had done enough.

Thursday June 27, 2024

Happy Heavenly Birthday Shane

The day had arrived- a day I had been planning for for months- emotionally I knew I could never be ready for the first birthday without Shane here. But I also knew that we were where Shane would want us to be on this day. And I also knew that we would be once again surrounded, supported, held up by all those people that love us unconditionally.

A stroll among the neighborhood checking on family to see how their nights were started my day with plenty of hugs and love. This day was not just about Mike, Colin and I- it was about all of our families- and beyond. So many people have struggled with this tragedy. We will never be able to make sense of it- but we all must learn how to move forward from it. And that is something that is far easier said than done.

Seeing my Dad at the Cape is something I can not find the right words for. I have no idea how long it had been since he had spent a night away from home. From the moment the event got booked- Papa as his grandkids called him- was all in. Wherever it was, whatever it took- he was not going to miss it.

I had decided that I wanted to surround myself with Shane's friends to start the day. They give me strength in ways that I can not describe. People that Shane loved and that loved him- carry a piece of Shane with them in their hearts- and when I have the opportunity to embrace them- I feel Shane so strongly.

I was picked up by the Dempsey mobile who greeted me with not one but two cups of Dunkin coffee. They said they had only ordered one but were given two. Shane knew that I would need two cups on this day!

Arriving into the Xidea house I completely lost it- maybe someday I will be able to enter without bawling my eyes out. His presence is so strong there- I can hear his laughter. This family that Shane chose-that in return chose him- I am so grateful for. Amy plays the role of Mom to many- truly coming to the aid of any kids that need assistance day or night. The Xidea boys- Michael and Chase have been such a godsend to me - I hope they know how truly grateful I am to be part of their lives. They were Shane's little brothers- not by blood- but certainly by love.

I don't even honestly remember who else was there- but it was what I needed and I soaked up all of their goodness until it was time to head to the club to set up. When I got back to the house my dad and Lena were visiting on the patio with Christy and Colin. Witnessing how devastating it is for Lena and my Dad to have buried a grandson is some of the hardest parts to navigate. We often get our own strength in trying to be strong for others.

I gathered my girl posse- Cindy, Lori, Chelsea and Kristen and we headed to the club with a car full of Shane memorabilia. I was so glad that Zoe came to help us set up. Every single member of the staff at New Seabury Country Club that we encountered was so kind and so helpful. Getting more easels delivered when they say how much I had brought- getting us anything we asked for to help us display Shane's 21 and 1/2 years.

When I saw the flowers from Brenda of the Wandering Florist- I was blown away- she had nailed exactly what I was looking for- flowers that represented a sunset or a rainbow with purple present and in a non foofy vessel the perfect touch to make an already beautiful space even better.

After a busy hour spent arranging and rearranging and crying and laughing we were able to leave with a sense of readiness. I believed that I had indeed brought enough with us to represent all the sides of Shane that made him the man he was and also enough to represent who he was as a little boy the things he enjoyed, the journey of his youth and a look into who he was becoming. I do believe his relationships were represented. I do believe that I had displayed proof that it is not about the years in your life but the life in your years.

Now we wait to share it all with those coming to celebrate Shane's life with us.

Twenty one years of Birthday celebrations

126 people signed the guest book- I know that there were more of you there than that. Only 26 people signed the photo mat- where we asked people to share a word or phrase that best represents Shane to them. So we will need to continue working on that!

The afternoon/evening was all that we imagined it would be and then some. For the first two hours we ate magnificent food prepared by Ken and Ramone's amazing team that was served by polite and kind staff members some of whom had worked with Shane over the years, we drank ice cold tasty beverages served by Kelly and Travis and reminisced about Shane- people shared with others how they were connected to him or our family. At 5 pm we gathered together to enjoy beautiful music and to hear stories of Shane.

As I had hoped we were surrounded by all parts of Shane- more Shaw relatives like my cousin Mary Jo and her husband Jeff that traveled from Lunenburg. Shane's DA classmate and Northeastern classmate as well- Sam MacKenzie representing two parts of Shane- who shared his remembrances of Shane from both parts of those worlds. There were many members of the McCarthy clan- Auntie Carole along with her kids and grandkids. The Reagans and the Fitzpatrick cousins that we had not seen in far too long. Cousins of Lena's along with friends of hers from Milford, and of course her best friend and Mike's Godmother- Auntie Louise. The Cape was well represented - coworkers of Shane's from Poppy and 95 Shore, along with members from HR and management. Shane's friends and their parents along with longtime friends of Mike and Glenn's. And newer friends made since Glenn and Gena bought their house on Jeep Place- that have been a big part of Shane's summers and even the winters- over the years. A joyful afternoon of truly remembering and honoring Shane. I am so proud of everyone that got up and shared stories- sadly I do not have a photo of you all. I know it was not easy but I am grateful. If there is anyone that wishes they had shared something- send me an email! (Anyone that did share if you have it written please send it my way. )

I think my favorite parts of the day were when the Dempsey girls sang- as I mentioned before, Emily, Goldey and Brooke are very talented young ladies. They had the entire room captivated for each of their 5 songs.

I hope that in the days to come I can upload other videos - please if anyone has any send them my way!

One of my favorite pictures from this day is this one of Colin with my niece Chelsea- AKA as Tu-Tu. Eyes wide open taking in every one and everything that surrounded him- all things about his only brother - Shane. One of my biggest heartaches is wondering how much Colin understands about where his brother is and what happened- why he is no longer in his physical world. But seeing Colin like this so in tune so focused on it all - I have no doubt that he knows. And in my heart I know Shane is with him.

In true Shane fashion he dazzled the skyline with a beautiful sunset- painted in purple- reminding us all to look for the signs- to keep our heads up - to believe and to keep looking ahead. Perhaps I am the only one that sees it- but when I look at this photo I also see a heart in the clouds right in the center where it is the brightest.

Thank you Shane for this beautiful end to your birthday celebration I hope you felt all the love down here as you shared your birthday with those above. To everyone that attended we are grateful- to those of you that texted me messages or shared stories on instagram- thank you for thinking about Shane on his birthday. To the DA boys that called me that evening- I look forward to being with you next weekend for more celebrations of Shane.

Shane was not done with sending me signs for this week of ups and downs as he graced me with another gorgeous sunrise- and an ocean shiny and still- reminding me of a new day and calmer waters ahead.

Much love to all of you!