Part One: What a Week- Celebrating the life of an Amazing Young Man

I knew when Colin and I left last Saturday (June 22) that we were in for an emotional week- another ride on our rollercoaster where we would encounter highs and lows and twists and turns - yup all that and so much more. We retuned home yesterday and I started to write this last night- but nothing made sense, what was the point I was trying to make- what exactly is it that I want you all to know.

Even another day later I am still in awe thinking about all that transpired last week. I am not sure I can sum it all up- I want to share it all that way I will always have it too- there is just so much.

I guess taking it one day at a time- which is the way we have been living the last 7 months is what I will do.

What do I want you all to know- Shane was truly one of a kind. If you knew him- you already knew that.

Colin and I hit the road Saturday morning at 7:30, I was crying before I even hit the French King bridge in Gill- a bucket of tears had flowed by the time I crossed over the Bourne Bridge. Luckily the traffic was minimal- it was a gloomy misty morning so I am sure that helped - no one was in a rush to get to a beach in that weather. I had been to the Cape already since Shane passed, once in March with Mike to begin planning the Celebration of Life and again in May for an overnight with my friend Amy and to fine tune the details. Those trips were hard- but this one carried so much more weight. So much reminded me of Shane during that 3 hour drive- the construction happening along the highway- remembering how excited he would get if he got to see bulldozers, cranes, excavators or dump trucks. How he would tell us to slow down so he could get a longer look. When he was old enough to read the signs he would ask how long 36 more miles would take to get to Cape Cod. Well buddy- that all depends on the day was usually the answer. He would grow with excitement seeing the windmill, the water tower, the Cape Cod sign, all knowing we were getting closer and closer to our destination. We would pass the Bobcat store- making a promise that we would stop there at some point before the week was over. In general Shane was a pretty good traveler, Colin often not so much! But last week Colin took the ride like a champ- I know he knew what the purpose of this week was- this was not vacation- this was another goodbye for his brother. Another opportunity for us to all know we are not alone. Mike was working the weekend and not able to come right away so we enlisted my brother Jon and Kristen to follow behind to assure a smooth trip.

Arriving to the house we were staying at in Rock Landing carried its own weight. This beautiful home we were lucky enough to be staying in was due to the generosity of longtime friends to the McCarthy Family- the Hennings. A house we had been in numerous times before- as I entered the door many memories flashed before my eyes- the Patriarch John Henning- sitting in his chair reading through a pile of newspapers- always with some type of Boston sports on the TV. His wife Betsy usually in the kitchen- a delightful cook and a fabulous hostess to all who entered.

Luckily for Colin and I we were not alone- a beautiful trio of young ladies were waiting in their car for us to arrive. They helped us unload, unpack and kept me company for a few hours as we laughed and cried remembering Shane.

For the Dempsey girls (Emily, Goldey and Brooke) - this is what Shane used to do for their family. When they would arrive at their rental for the summer- Shane would be waiting for them to help them unload the car. Shane would also claim a space and spend as much time as he could with them and their parents Tricia and Bill.

The view from the patio of the house is one that I love- seeing and hearing the ocean along with feeling the salty ocean breeze- there is nothing better.

The stars were in our favor again this year as we were able to have a nurse return from the Plymouth agency- Heather has now worked with us for 3 summers. She is such a delight to have in the house- she loves to sing along with any Disney movie that comes on- Colin is often entranced by her singing spell. Having her there on Saturday freed me up to get situated and to begin emotionally unpacking as well.

Not long after the ladies left a trio of boys arrived on our doorstep-Michael and Chase and Michael- lovingly usually called Organsky by most! For me there is just something about getting hugs from young men that are similar to Shane. One of them even smelled like Shane- in a good way!! Even as I type these words the tears are streaming down my face. I just do not think any of these kids ( I know you are not kids- you are young adults ) will understand how much I needed this time with them. And how I wish I was not 3 hours away.

Shane was a loving kid- he always hugged Mike and I, we always got a kiss goodnight or goodbye- not having that contact, knowing I will never again be in his arms for a warm embrace is excruciating most days. I am sure Colin often wonders why I am always hugging him. Simply to get that connection- to get that touch. I hug anyone I can a little ( well maybe a lot) longer and squeeze a little tighter- because you just never know.....

Saturday night we were able to have a delicious dinner up at 95 Shore at the New Seabury Country Club- the place where Shane worked last summer. Every time I walk through the entry way I can feel Shane. I feel him the most in all the places that he loved to be. Each time I have been there since Shane passed- I am greeted warmly and assured that Shane will always be remembered by them. Our sweet server even talked about how highly they regarded my boy. It is such a beautiful space-filled with beautiful people- It is easy to understand why Shane loved it there.

Our Sunday was filled with a lot of time on the patio- Colin loved being there. It was such a great spot for him- easy exit from the house with a couple ramps. He was able to soak in all the sights and sounds from the ocean. He was happy when his Grammie arrived for a visit and she too began her trip down memory lane- recalling time spent in this house with Grampie Jim and all their friends- many of whom have passed. This area that we were staying at - this is where my boys first put their butts in the sand and their toes in the ocean. It is also darn close to where Mike, his brother Glenn and sister Julie also spent their summers for many years. For me- it was the perfect place to be- it was full circle for me, thinking of all the time spent there with my in laws on the beach in "the circle" with their friends. It was also nice to be sharing this spot with some of my family.

Sharing the spot and sharing the people. Jim and Anne Collins live in the Rock Landing area as well and they too assisted us with a place for some family members to stay. They are two of my favorite people here- I never miss the opportunity to see them whenever I am down. When I am in their company I can so easily remember my father-in law- Jim. He too was one of a kind and I miss him very much and always feel closest to him when at the Cape. He and I spent many hours on the beach together back when Mike and I first began dating.

Often I miss Anne- as she loves to golf and is a pickle ball queen of the courts. But this trip I got to catch up with her- we had a heart warming conversation and seeing Jim is always one of my highlights. So many great memories of Shane playing with their grandsons William and Alex- either at the beach, in the pool at the house on the front lawn or in their basement with the Army men.

The sun was shining brightly on us Sunday- but the winds picked up as did the waves in the ocean. Seemed fitting since the longer I was there- the more anxious I became. A place that is generally soothing to my soul was also twisting me up. My head was pounding and I began to wonder and worry about everything. I had been planning this event for the past 6 months- the time was rapidly approaching, did I do enough, did I have enough with me to truly capture who Shane was- not just Cape Shane- but all of Shane? For those that did not know a lot about him had I brought with me enough to tell the story of his life? How many people would attend? We had invited about 150- knowing some could not make it due to work, prior commitments or varying sets of unforeseen circumstances. How would the flowers look- did Brenda understand what I wanted with just a phone call and a couple of texts - did I sound like a crazy lady saying they needed to look like a sunset or a rainbow- that they had to have purple- and the vessel could not be country club foofy, they needed to be rustic? Would people be comfortable to get up and share their stories of Shane with us? How would my Dad do- I can not remember the last time he was away from home for an overnight? It was only Sunday and I was spinning- where was my True North to direct me- where was my reassurance that everything would be alright? How on Earth was I going to make it to Thursday?